The other day I was reading this post and it brought tears to my eyes from the overwhelming emotion I felt inside. It felt like she was saying what I had been too ashamed to admit that I have been feeling. And it got me thinking...
There are so many things I need/want to do better. I looked at Aubrey yesterday and realized that I'm not exactly sure when she last had a full-fledged, in the tub, bath. I wipe her down everyday with baby wipes and my intentions are to bathe her every other day, but life gets in the way. And it makes me feel guilty. It seems like when Ethan was a baby, our lives were much less hectic and we had so much more attention to devote to him. For example, I can tell you with 100% conviction that he was bathed every other day, in a tub, with soap and water; he wore pajamas to bed every night; the house was clean; dishes and laundry were done every day.
Nowadays: well, I did do laundry the other day (and it had been 2 weeks before that), BUT it is still in the laundry basket waiting to be folded. I haven't washed dishes since Tuesday. The baby needs a bath. There are many nights she goes to bed in either just a diaper or whatever she was wearing that day. I spent an entire weekend cleaning, vacuuming, dusting, and now you can't even tell. I'm 2 weeks behind on my school work. I have a coffee table on my patio that is half-stripped and has been sitting outside (getting drowned by the rain) for a week and a half. And I don't even know where to start.
And I feel so guity about it all. I honestly feel like I'm failing. Does this happen to every family when additional children are put in the mix, or am I just that horrible at being a wife/mother?
As I lay in bed last night, trying to get my brain to stop running so I could sleep, I made a promise to myself that I WILL do better. Starting today, things will be different! And so far, they are. I have spent the morning catching up on school work, and now I'm headed to the kitchen to tackle the dishes.